It's Time to Grow Up
I've been feeling the need to write, or I guess type, something about my life lately. I've tried writing stories, I've tried reading stories, trying to find ways to relate or express my emotions at this time in my life.
As I was about to type this specific post, I came across a blog I wrote in 2015 that I never posted. A brief summary of this post: I was writing about what 2015 taught me and I was in the middle of my Freshman year of high school.
"Another thing I learned this year is: All my friends and I are growing up.
The struggles in life aren't the same, school isn't the same, life just isn't the same. I definitely have realized that because this school year is my freshman year. I'm realizing how close college is, and that scares me. And what also scares me is that I'm not sure if I want to go to college, I'm not sure really what it is I want to do with my life. The career and life style I feel the Lord is wanting me to go to doesn't involve college, but at the same time I feel like it's hard for me to see the difference between my wants and His."
Phew. If only I knew what God had in store for me these last three, almost four years of high school. Breaking down this paragraph from this last post,
As I was about to type this specific post, I came across a blog I wrote in 2015 that I never posted. A brief summary of this post: I was writing about what 2015 taught me and I was in the middle of my Freshman year of high school.
"Another thing I learned this year is: All my friends and I are growing up.
The struggles in life aren't the same, school isn't the same, life just isn't the same. I definitely have realized that because this school year is my freshman year. I'm realizing how close college is, and that scares me. And what also scares me is that I'm not sure if I want to go to college, I'm not sure really what it is I want to do with my life. The career and life style I feel the Lord is wanting me to go to doesn't involve college, but at the same time I feel like it's hard for me to see the difference between my wants and His."
Phew. If only I knew what God had in store for me these last three, almost four years of high school. Breaking down this paragraph from this last post,
- My struggles in life are still the same as they were in my freshman year of high school. How? I am still struggling with myself, the image of myself in the mirror, the thoughts in my head, my motives. I'm struggling with friends, accepting that those who I thought would be apart of my life forever will not be. I'm struggling to prioritize things.
- School isn't the same for me anymore. It's better because I decided to conquer my obstacles and better my future for myself, for my future husband, and especially for my kids. I wanted to let math defeat me, give up. A friend of mine told me if I wanted to have a successful future, I couldn't just give up and let it defeat me. And besides, I needed fractions for a good 3/4s of my life (yeah... I didn't know how much that was when they said that haha.) Obviously that was a cheesy saying to say, but for some reason it really motivated me. The thought of one day, my children asking for me to help them with their math and I couldn't help them because I decided to let it defeat me, made me sad. I want to be able to tell my kids, nothing is impossible. Work for your dreams, don't let anything get in your way. This time last year, I sat at a laptop for two hours crying at a math lesson. Now, I'm prepping for my SAT on the 3rd of November and ready to crush that math section!
- Life is SO not the same. I've grown up a lot in the last three years (though some do not think so.) I pushed myself out of my comfort zone many times. I began my own photography and videography business, I had my first romance (shocker right? I know, I couldn't believe it either as it happened), I had a part-time job, I went out of my comfort zone so much. I went off to camp for two weeks completely by myself, I started college credited classes completely by myself, I learned how to drive and fearfully started driving on the road by myself (honk honk) and I learned that One Direction is coming back and everyone was wrong ( haha in YOUR FACE.)
- Realizing how close college is gives me anxious peace. That... doesn't make sense, and yet it does to me. My peace is, I know college is what I need, what I want. I have peace going away for college. I am SO excited to start footsteps into my career of Media Production. C9 has given me a small taste of the industry, and I know gluttony is a sin but, I want to stuff myself full of this industry! But my anxiety of leaving home is in the back of my head. The familiarity, the people, the thought that my dog could pass away while I am gone makes me so sad (he's old ok? Don't think I'm over thinking cause I know you are.) Just waiting for that day to arrive makes me anxious. I am ready to see what life will be like that first day I am at college. I'm ready for the SAT to be done and over with. But, I'm anxious because time is flying by so fast and it's challenging trying to soak up this last year of life as I know it.
God has given me peace over all these areas in my life, but there is something I struggled with during my freshman year that I wrote about that I still struggle with now. Go ahead, read it:
"I've also learned that I need to get better at: patience.
This is definitely something I struggle with on a daily bases, especially with family. It is harder for me to lash out on non-family members versus family members. I think I lack patience in many ways, and I hope I will get better at this one day, so much to where I can treat my family members like I do my friends... just be angry on the inside and be patient on the outside."
Any one of my family members can agree, patience is not my specialty. I'm impatient at driving, I'm impatient at waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so I can use it, I'm impatient at waiting to gett a haircut so I cut it myself (sorry Barb.) I am growing up in a society where everything is instant and never fast enough, never good enough. This is something I hope and I know I will conquer in my future...my family hoping by tomorrow it'll be conquered.
One last thing before I stop typing this and go to bed, out of everything I've just typed, I want whomever is reading this to know:
"I want to thank everyone who has helped make my year so so amazing. I want to thank my parents for supporting me and loving me unconditionally, I hope one day I can pay you both back for everything you've done for me."
Adding onto that, I want to thank everyone who has supported me through my life. Whether it was play dates in the living room dancing to Disco Duck (I see you White Family) to coming to my first high school play. The love and support I have in my life is always so overwhelming and I take advantage of it often.
There's still so much I want to say, and so much on my mind, but right now I've ran out of words (it actually happened ladies and probably just ladies.) So, maybe I'll write another entry and maybe it'll be written better.
Now, "It's Time to Grow Up!"
This is definitely something I struggle with on a daily bases, especially with family. It is harder for me to lash out on non-family members versus family members. I think I lack patience in many ways, and I hope I will get better at this one day, so much to where I can treat my family members like I do my friends... just be angry on the inside and be patient on the outside."
Any one of my family members can agree, patience is not my specialty. I'm impatient at driving, I'm impatient at waiting for someone to get out of the bathroom so I can use it, I'm impatient at waiting to gett a haircut so I cut it myself (sorry Barb.) I am growing up in a society where everything is instant and never fast enough, never good enough. This is something I hope and I know I will conquer in my future...my family hoping by tomorrow it'll be conquered.
One last thing before I stop typing this and go to bed, out of everything I've just typed, I want whomever is reading this to know:
"I want to thank everyone who has helped make my year so so amazing. I want to thank my parents for supporting me and loving me unconditionally, I hope one day I can pay you both back for everything you've done for me."
Adding onto that, I want to thank everyone who has supported me through my life. Whether it was play dates in the living room dancing to Disco Duck (I see you White Family) to coming to my first high school play. The love and support I have in my life is always so overwhelming and I take advantage of it often.
There's still so much I want to say, and so much on my mind, but right now I've ran out of words (it actually happened ladies and probably just ladies.) So, maybe I'll write another entry and maybe it'll be written better.
Now, "It's Time to Grow Up!"
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